My relationship with body positivity part 1

I am going to start this post by saying I am not an expert on this subject. I am a firm believer that my road is probably not your road. And your story will look different then mine. SO if anything I have put in here feels like it will be damaging for you. Don't. Do. It. These are not the rules. I do not own the body positive community and have no right to say what is allowed and what isn't. 

I am 30 years old. I feel like it's super important for you to know this. I am about to turn 30 and I feel like I am finally about 75% of the way fully comfortable and confident with my body. You hear that? I have been on this earth living in this body for 30 years and I am just now 75% comfortable with it. It's been a process and a journey and we're not done yet. 

I will tell you so so much of that progress has come in the last 2 years. I used to be so self conscious I couldn't go certain places because I was so convinced everyone was starting at me and talking about how disgusting I was. And now I am posting pictures in my underwear on the internet sooooo. Is that a glow up? Is that what the kids call it? This hasn't been an easy process. It also hasn't been a linear process either. I am still very much up and down when it comes to confidence and body positivity. 

For instance: Just the day before I wrote this blog post I was laying in bed on a dating app swiping left to everyone because I assumed they would never be interested in me. Earlier that same day I posted a picture on instagram in my matching undies. Now don't get it twisted. I don't think confidence is only necessary for dating and relationships and for dudes to think you're pretty. But it is one way I know something is wrong and I need to do a quick personal check in. 

"Check ins" have been very necessary for me. I really have to give a lot of credit to where I am at to my number one thing I've worked on in the last year: Self Awareness. It has been a game changer for me. Really sitting down with myself and taking a personal inventory has honestly been the only reason I am anywhere near where I am at. What can I do today to make myself feel good? How am I doing today compared to where I was yesterday. I do not compare myself to people on the internet. I compare todays Emily to yesterdays Emily and that is it. I also have to use that same tool to make sure I am not doing anything damaging to myself. How am I speaking to myself. Do I need to go to the gym and get some endorphins? Do I need to turn off my phone and take a break from instagram? Do I need to take a self care night and just relax? Ask yourself what YOU need. And then do that. No excuses. Do what you need to do. 

Be alone. Ok this one might not be for everyone but it has been a large part of my journey. Like I said I am 30 and I have been single my whole life. I have never had a boyfriend. Surprised? I'm not haha. I don't know if this is part of why I am just now getting to where I am at with confidence OR if it's the reason I am so secure in it. I haven't had a partner to hype me up. To make me feel beautiful. To hold me up and give me support when I need it. I have only always had myself. So I have had no choice but to take the steps I need to lay a solid foundation for myself. Nobody was going to do it for me. And I think this is important for everyone. I think everybody needs to be alone at some point. I don't think you need to be as extreme as me haha BUT I do think being comfortable on your own is huge. Love yourself enough to want to spend time with just you. Need nobody else. Rely on nobody else. Make yourself feel good and strong and beautiful for nobody but you. 

Alright thats I all I have for you for part 1. I don't know how many parts this series will have but it's going to be an ongoing thing I will tell you that much. I am hoping if I split it up it will keep me from going on one of my trademarked tangents haha 

But let's chat about part 1. What are your questions? Throw them at me and let's start a conversation. And maybe a Youtube video :)