Oh hey

I mean honestly how else do I start this post? It’s been a minute. Or like lots of minutes.

I have been craving an outlet to write and feel and get things out of me and then I realized I pay a yearly fee to have a place to do that. This website. Am I going to say the thing we have all heard from content creators a million times about how this is a fresh start and I am going to post more often and have a schedule and blah blah blah? Nope. I might not post again for another couple of years! I might post again tomorrow! We will see what the hell I feel like doing.

And that my friends has been the theme of my life these last few months. What the hell do I feel like doing? So I have quite a few updates for you because my life looks totally different than it did 3 months ago. I think if I was reading my own story I would have lots of questions. Hell I am living my story and I have lots of questions haha

The year started with me working a job I hated and in a relationship I enjoyed. My job was exhausting me to a level I did not communicate to anyone and I was slowly losing all motivation to do the things I loved outside of that job. I lost all of my creative drive and ideas felt like wind gusts that came through every now and then but I couldn’t hold on to them. I was also very committed to a person who needed a lot from me and I wanted to give them all they needed. That meant pulling from my own tank even if I did not have much left to give. This was not something they asked of me, this was a result of me not communicating where I was and giving over and over when I probably shouldn’t have. So, my passions and hobbies and interests fell to the wayside. This continued until the person I was committed to decided they did not want to be committed to me anymore. To say that was a very very hard shift is a major understatement. This is where we insert lots of nights crying and believing what I had to give would never be good enough. We love a good sad girl party after being dumped! I had lots of healing to do. Like LOTS. I am watering down those couple of months in a major way because the details are not just mine to share but let’s just say I was experiencing emotional whiplash every 3 days like a bad reoccurring dream. So I disappeared even more to at first spend time trying to save a relationship I wanted to work so badly and then to heal and move on from a relationship I wanted to work so badly. Now remember while all of this sad girl shit is happening I am also getting my ass handed to me on the daily at my job. Within this time I had also taken a promotion of sorts and the stress and expectations went from barely keeping my head above water to someone intentionally holding me under until my breaking point and then letting me up for the tiniest gasp of air.

So what do we do when our personal and professional life feels like a dementor sucking the soul out of our body? We take a pause. And pause I did. I deleted all my social media apps from my phone. I connected with my family the most I had in months. I spent LOTS of time alone with my thoughts and dreams and hopes and desires. I was still working but the effort they were getting from me was now equal to the amount they were paying me and not a bit more. Boundaries were solidified and I started to feel like myself again. I was still missing and craving my online outlet quite a bit and didn’t really feel like I had a place to turn to talk about all of this but my cat was a good temporary solution. As was the telehealth therapist I saw twice but to be honest her and the cat gave me about the same amount of help.

And then unknown to me at the time but my entire life was about to change when I received a text from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in awhile that said “Let’s create a utopia” and I laughed knowing she was going through a similar situation. Fast forward 3.5 months and I now live with her in southern Ohio. See I told you there would be questions!

After reconnecting as friends and sharing our shared break up woes we decided to escape reality and book a trip to the beach together. What we weren’t aware of was we were actually running head first to our new reality which is really fun to look back on now. She landed before me and met me in the lobby of the hotel with a margarita in hand. I knew I was a goner when she smiled at me like I was the walking human version of Christmas morning. We spent the next 3 days together just enjoying each others company. When reality happened and ubers were called to go to the airport question marks I had about my future were slowly replaced by question marks of our future. Thankfully nothing has ever felt easier than loving her and nobody has ever made me feel safer than her so those question marks quickly changed to plans. Plans that led to me quiting the job I hated to go back to working for myself. Plans that included meeting her kids and our families meeting each other. Plans that led to a “30 day risk free trial” of me coming to stay with her and her kids in Ohio to spend some time together. Plans for her and the kids to spend Thanksgiving with my family in Minnesota. And finally plans for me to officially move to Ohio to be with the person I love and the 2 bonus humans I am head over heels for.

Sooooo anyways……. the weather sure is changing huh?